If Disney Villains Were Beautiful
growing up means you stop being scared of the bad guy
and start wanting to have sex with them
Jafar though… daaaaamn boy
I’ve been thinking about cutting ALL my hair, you know, like Emma or Anna, let me tell why.
When I was 4 years-old, I was wandering around the mall with my mom and we stopped at some toy shop and I saw the prettiest barbie doll I’ve ever seen in my entire life, she was a colector item, so it was way up in the wall behind the cashier, and i was hipnotized. Se had a beautiful long deep purple dress and a skin so white that looked like real snow, she looked like a rare porcelain, almost as a vampire, with the very darkest short haircut i’ve ever seen and eyes matching all that darkness, and I thought if she was real, she’s be a princess in a very distant land, in another world, full of magic things. She was misterious, powerful, kind, I don’t know why i felt this way, so young, and with a doll, but that moment I decided someone in the world must look like her, and i would find her. I never forgot that. For sometimes I wanted to look like that, but I now understand that she’d be my inspiration not something I want to be myself. As a (wannabe) designer, i now appreciate this way i think, I enjoy beeing behind the curtains more than on stage, but I can’t, deep in my heart, avoid trying to be close to this image that, for me, represents perfection.
The thing is, many years later, when I was 15, I was on the subway, visiting my mom, regular rotine, reading a book. I still remember the moment when I saw those deep purple sneackers and that really white smooth skin showing above it, and when I closed my book, it was her. The doll. A girl around 17, 18 years-old, with the same haircut, the same dark hair and eyes, the natural red thin lips, the porcelain skin, she was wearing regular pants and a boy’s sweater, grayish with nothing writen on, just searching in her ipod for i don’t know what.
All I know is that i was so hipnotized that i did absolutely nothing, i stood in my place, the book on my lap, staring at her. And she left the train. I never said “hi”. I never asked for her name. I have no idea where she lives, and i regret it deeply. It’s been 4 years since I saw her, my doll who came to life.
People often say to me I shouldn’t cut my hair, wear boy’s sweater or stuff like that. I know i look nothing like her, I’m kind of tanned, brown hair, a chubby face and a really annoying short body, but i like to think that whenever she sees me, wandering down the streets, she’ll notice something in me that reminds her “youth”. And I’ll capt that feeling that someone’s watching me, and I’ll just turn my head back and she’ll be there, walking down the street. But this time, I’ll run, I maybe even scare her off. I can’t think a thing to say to her, but I have to try. She’s out there, I know, and I’m gonna find her, someday, i strongly believe this.
Anyway, as I was saying, I’m gonna cut my hair really short on my birthday